Online therapy in hermosa beach and throughout california

Based on the work of Dr. Julia DiGangi.

If you’re anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck in your head, there’s a good chance this feels familiar:

You don’t just want answers.
You need them.

You need to know how this will turn out.
What they meant.
Whether you made the right decision.
If this feeling will last.
If you’re doing life correctly.

And the more you chase certainty, the more anxious, on edge, and exhausted you feel. This isn’t a personal flaw. It’s a nervous system pattern. And it’s something I see constantly in my work offering online therapy in Hermosa Beach and across California.

Anxiety Isn’t Just Fear. It’s a Struggle With Uncertainty.

Neuroscientist and psychologist Dr. Julia DiGangi describes anxiety as a disturbed relationship with uncertainty.

In other words, anxiety isn’t just about worrying that something bad will happen. It’s about your brain believing that not knowing is unsafe.

Your nervous system starts treating uncertainty as a threat. And once that happens, your brain does what it’s designed to do under threat: it looks for control.

That’s where the mental spirals begin.

The Neuroscience of “I Need to Know”

From a neuroscience perspective, uncertainty activates the brain’s threat circuitry. When outcomes are unclear, your amygdala lights up and your stress hormones increase.

Here’s the important part:
Your brain prefers a bad answer over no answer.

Uncertainty keeps your nervous system activated. It keeps scanning. Waiting. Preparing. That constant vigilance is exhausting.

So your mind starts doing what it thinks will help:

Replaying conversations
Running scenarios
Googling symptoms
Asking for reassurance
Planning every possible outcome

The problem is, none of this actually creates safety.

It creates the illusion of control while keeping your body in a heightened stress response.

Why Thinking More Makes You Feel Worse

If you’re analytical, thoughtful, or high-functioning, your brain is probably very good at problem solving. So when anxiety hits, you do what’s always worked before.

You think harder.

But anxiety is not a problem you can solve your way out of.

The more you try to think your way into certainty, the more activated your nervous system becomes. That’s why you can spend hours analyzing something and feel worse afterward.

This is where I introduce clients to what I call the OVERS.

The OVERS: How We Accidentally Fuel Anxiety

When uncertainty feels unbearable, we start to overdo things in an attempt to feel safe.

Overthinking

You replay, analyze, and dissect every detail. You’re looking for the one piece of information that will finally make you feel calm.

It doesn’t come.

Overworking

You stay busy so you don’t have to feel. Productivity becomes regulation. Rest starts to feel unsafe.

Overengineering

You plan, optimize, prepare, and anticipate every possible outcome so nothing can go wrong.

Except something always feels like it might.

The more you “over,” the more stressed, anxious, and on edge you become. Not because you’re doing something wrong, but because your nervous system never gets the signal that it’s okay to stand down.

Why Certainty Never Actually Arrives

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

There is no amount of thinking, planning, or knowing that will eliminate uncertainty from being human.

Relationships don’t come with guarantees.
Bodies change.
Feelings shift.
Life surprises us.

When your nervous system is convinced that certainty equals safety, it will keep demanding more information. More reassurance. More proof.

But certainty is not a feeling state. It’s a fantasy your anxious brain keeps chasing.

Safety is a body experience.

Regulation Comes Before Reassurance

One of the biggest shifts we work on in therapy is moving from trying to know more to learning how to be with not knowing.

That doesn’t mean giving up or being passive. It means helping your nervous system tolerate uncertainty without going into overdrive.

When your body feels more regulated:

Your mind naturally quiets
Urgency decreases
You stop chasing answers
You regain access to choice

This is why reassurance only helps temporarily. It calms the mind for a moment but doesn’t retrain the nervous system.

How Therapy Helps You Break the Cycle

In my work offering online therapy in Hermosa Beach and throughout California, I help clients who feel stuck in cycles of overthinking, overworking, and overengineering reconnect with a sense of internal safety.

That looks like:

Understanding how your brain responds to uncertainty
Learning to notice when you’re in an “over” spiral
Using body-based tools to reduce activation
Expanding your tolerance for not knowing
Building trust in yourself instead of chasing certainty

Over time, clients often say:

“I don’t need answers the way I used to.”
“I can sit with discomfort now.”
“I don’t spiral like I did before.”
“I trust myself even when things are unclear.”

That’s not because life became more predictable. It’s because their nervous system became more resilient.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Protecting Yourself.

If you struggle with uncertainty, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable. It means your system learned that knowing equals safety.

Therapy isn’t about forcing yourself to tolerate uncertainty through grit. It’s about helping your body learn that it can survive without constant certainty.

About The Author

Tori Smith is a Licensed therapist based out of Hermosa Beach, California. She provides online therapy to high-achievers, over-analyzers, and those who are ready to break old patterns. You can contact her here.

You don’t need to stop thinking.
You don’t need to stop caring.
You don’t need to have it all figured out.

You just deserve a nervous system that isn’t running your life.

If you’re looking for online therapy in Hermosa Beach or anywhere in California, and you’re exhausted by the need to know, I’m here to help.

The Paradox of Anxiety: Why the More We Need to Know, the More Anxious We Feel